Stress Management Strategies

While some life situation interventions can be successfully employed when no one else is directly involved, there are interventions that are useful when the situation involves other people as well as yourself.

Asserting Yourself

Men and women who find it difficult to say "no" when asked by the boss if they can handle one other chore or responsibility, and youths who can't say no to friends when teased into trying a mood-altering substance, have the same problem. Training programs have been mushrooming throughout the country and world to help people say "no" when they should, say yes when they want to, and in general, behave in a self-actualizing manner.

The relationship of assertive behavior to stress lies in satisfaction of needs. If you generally act assertively, you are usually achieving your needs while maintaining effective interpersonal relationships. If you generally act non-assertively, you are not satisfying your needs, and those unsatisfied needs will become stressors.

If you generally behave aggressively, your needs are met but at the expense of your relationships with others. Poor interpersonal relationships will become stressors. You can see that, to siphon off stressors at the life-situation level, you need to learn, practice, and adopt assertive behavior as your general pattern of satisfying needs.

Assertion theory is based upon the premise that every person has certain basic rights. Unfortunately, we are often taught that acting consistently with these rights is socially or morally unacceptable. We are taught some traditional assumptions as children - which stay with us as adults - that interfere with basing our behavior on these basic rights. These assumptions violate our rights, and we need to dispense with them.

Examples of these misconceptions and our basic rights are the following:

1) Misconception: It is selfish to put your needs before others' needs.
Right: You have the right to put yourself first.

2) Misconception: You should always try to be logical and consistent.
Right: You have a right to change your mind or decide on a different course of action.

3) Misconception: People don't want to hear that you feel bad, so keep it to yourself.
Right: You have a right to feel and express pain.

4) Misconception: You should always have a good reason for what you feel and do.
Right: You have a right not to have to justify yourself to others.

5) Misconception: When people are in trouble, you should help them.
Right: You have a right not to take responsibility for someone else's problem.

6) Misconception: When someone takes the time to give you advice, you should take it very seriously. They are often right.
Right: You have a right to ignore the advice of others.

7) Misconception: Don't be antisocial. People are going to think you don't like them if you say you'd rather be alone instead of with them.
Right: You have a right to be alone, even if others would prefer your company.

8) Misconception: You should never interrupt anyone. Asking questions reveals your stupidity to others.
Right: You have a right to interrupt in order to ask for clarification.

9) Misconception: Things could get even worse; don't rock the boat
Right: You have a right to negotiate for change.

10) Misconception: You should always try to accommodate others. If you don't, they won't be there when you need them.
Right: You have a right to say no.

(Source: The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook by Martha Davis, PhD; Elizabeth Robbins Eshelman, MSW; and Matthew McKay, PhD)
 
Assertiveness is not only a matter of what you say but also a function of how you say it. Even if you make an assertive verbal response, you will not be believed if your body's response is nonassertive. Non-assertive behavior can also be recognized without even hearing the words. It includes:

• leaning forward with glaring eyes 
• shouting 
• pointing a finger at the person to whom you are speaking 
• putting your hands on your hips and wagging the head 
• clenching the fists 

(Source: Escape From Stress, Stop Killing Yourself, by Kenneth Lamott)

Practice and adopt assertive nonverbal behavior while concentrating on eliminating signs of non-assertiveness and aggressive behavior.

Conflict Resolution

If you become effective in resolving conflict, your interpersonal relationships will be improved. The result of this improvement will be a decrease in the number of stressors you experience. Less conflict of shorter duration resolved to your satisfaction will mean a less-stressed and healthier you.
 
Resolving conflict can be relatively simple. What confounds the situation, however, are usually a lack of listening, an attempt at winning, an inability to demonstrate an understanding of the person with whom you are in conflict, and a rigidity that prevents you from considering alternative solutions. Here is a simple procedure to resolve interpersonal conflict. The steps of this communication process consist of the following:

1) Active listening - reflecting back to the other person his or her words and feelings; requires the listener to paraphrase the speaker's words so the speaker knows that his or her meaning has been received. By reflecting the speaker's words and thoughts, the listener creates an awareness on the speaker's part that the listener cares enough to really understand his or her views.

2) Identifying your position - stating your thoughts and feelings about the situation.

3) Exploring alternative solutions - brainstorming other possibilities, listing all possible solutions, and evaluating each proposed solution until both people agree upon one. With this technique, it initially appears that no one wins. However, in fact, everyone wins.

Other stress management strategies we will cover on the following pages include:

• Communication
• Social Support Networking
• Selective Awareness
• Humor and Stress
• Self Esteem
• And Other Stress Relief Techniques

We will be begin with the Communication Strategies on the next page.