Improving Self-Esteem

What you think of yourself affects how you behave. If you don't think well of yourself, you will not trust your opinions or your decisions. You will, therefore, be more apt to be influenced by others. Not "marching to the beat of your own drum" may result in your conforming to the behaviors of those with whom you frequently interact. As a matter of fact, poor self-esteem is related to drug abuse, irresponsible sexual behavior, and other "unhealthy' activities. People with high self-esteem engage in these activities to a significantly lesser extent.
 
Assertiveness, success, and social support are key components of stress management. Self-esteem is related to each of these. How can you assert yourself and demand your basic rights if you don't deem yourself worthy of these rights? Self-esteem is learned. How people react to us; what we come to believe are acceptable societal standards of beauty, competence, and intelligence; and how our performances are judged by parents, teachers, friends, and bosses affect how we feel about ourselves.

It is common sense, then, to expect our successes to improve our self-esteem and our failures to diminish it. The very essence of stress management requires confidence in yourself and in your decisions to control your life effectively.

Because self-esteem is so important, the means of improving it deserve your serious attention. There are no magic pills to take or laser beams with which you can be zapped to improve your sense of self-worth. It has developed over a long period of time, and it will take a while for you to change it. With time, attention, effort, and energy, you can enhance your sense of self or at least feel better about those parts of you that cannot be changed.

The first thing to do is to identify that part of yourself about which you want to feel better. Perhaps an exercise program can improve that part, or you need to begin a weight-control program, pay more attention to how you dress, or use makeup more effectively. Along with control comes responsibility.

Externals blame both their successes and their failures on things outside themselves. "Oh, I did such a good job because I work well under pressure." It's the pressure, not the person. "Oh, I didn't do too well because I didn't have enough time." It's the lack of time, not the person. Internals might say "I did so well because of how I decided to adjust to the pressure and time constraints," or "I did poorly because I didn't work hard enough." Internals accept responsibility for their successes and their failures.

On the next page we will discuss Other Techniques for Managing Stress.