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How to Address Anger Management In Children

Anger management in children is much more challenging than in adults. Unlike adults, children do not possess the reasoning skills, or just the life experience, to be able to rationalize their emotions and actions. But with the right approach, and a lot of patience, anger management in children is not only possible, but can also be rewarding for both the adult and child involved.

How Children Use Anger To Speak

When a child acts out in anger, they are doing so for one of two reasons. The first situation is that they do not feel like they are being heard, so they are resorting to any and all means to make themselves a focal point. The second situation is that the child has somehow learned that this is the only way in which they will be heard. If, for example, the child receives anger in response to their requests, they may naturally conclude that this is acceptable behavior.

Understanding how children use and understand anger is the first step for an adult to address anger management issues in children. If the goal of an interaction with a child is to help them become less angry, then the child’s anger cannot be met with anger from the intervening adult. Doing so would only reinforce the child’s association with anger and their ability to communicate their feelings. Remaining calm and recognizing that the child just wants to be heard will help provide an open forum for the child to start expressing him/herself in a healthy manner.

Opening Lines of Communication

If a child’s anger is responded to with a calm, rational response the child will learn that anger does not provoke a reaction. Make it clear to the child that you hear and understand them by calmly repeating back to them what you hear them saying. Simply saying “I understand” is not the most effective way to address anger management in children because they need to know exactly what you understand. Once the issue is clarified, and the child is certain that you hear them, the easier it will be to talk rationally about the issue that provoked the outburst of anger.

Approaching anger management in children is most effective if the adult addresses the child with respect. No matter how irrational the child is being, or no matter how trivial the catalyst to the temper tantrum was, nothing will be solved if the child’s anger is met with more anger. Allow the child’s frustration to be felt, and recognize that they have not yet developed the coping skills to deal with those specific emotions. Lead by example to successfully manage anger in children.